I am not about to impart some mysterious secret that has been hidden away from the world in dark, damp cave guarded by a four headed dragon. No, the secret to all happy relationships is to beware of four simple factors: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.
Those four are some of the most destructive behaviours that can occur within marriages or any relationship, and studies have proven that they can be very good indicators of whether a relationship will survive in the long term.
To ensure a happy relationship you both have to far less critical, much less defensive and you really have to avoid displays of contempt at all costs. Not only can contempt kill your relationship it can affect your immune system too, making you more prone to serious illness.
If you really feel the need to criticise your partner then try to soften the blow with some humour. Try taking a moment to imagine how you would want to be told, how you would feel being told whatever criticism, try to make it a constructive criticism.
Dominique
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